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Aug. 30th, 2005 @ 12:45 pm A simple way to work out what you will think of the Grand Palace, Bangkok without actually visiting.
Favourite colours -------black/brown/beige-------> It's a bit gold and shiny.
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Pretty and gold and shiny!
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Favourite tree shape -------Not bobbly----------> The trees are a bit bobbly
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Bobbly! Give me bobbles!
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The Grand Palace is my favourite thing ever!
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Aug. 19th, 2005 @ 07:32 am Six impossible things before breakfast.
Current Mood: invincible
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In a change to the published schedule, what I was going to be doing yesterday got rudely cancelled at me by a very good-looking young man while I was in the shower. So I didn't do much yesterday, except, well, arranging the impossible.

For Lo! With just a little bit of wiggling the knife in the between 'No, not really' and 'Absolutely no way', I have conquered:
* "You can't do a certified diving course. They take five days. You've only got three.
* I don't think you can get to there in time to do even three days.
* I don't think you can get back from there in time to go sailing, either.
* And even if you do go there, the whole island has been fully booked for weeks because of the full moon party so you'll have nowhere to stay.
* And the course is fully booked as well.
* Oh, and by the way, if you're going to come back and go sailing after that, you haven't got time to get up to Cairns to catch your flight home.

So the upshot of all that is that I'm on my way to Magnetic Island, where I shall be doing a 3-day diving course, after which I'm going back down to the Whitsundays to go sailing. Obviously something is going to go wrong and I'll get stranded somewhere, but still. The achievement lies in making the impossible possible, not in actually making it happen. Right?

So having sorted all that out, I went jet-skiing. It was well fun. Do you think it would be practicable to commute from King's Cross to Temple on a jet-ski?
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Aug. 16th, 2005 @ 06:11 pm (no subject)
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Time to add to the list...

Ibis
Fruit bats
Kookaburras
Whales
Kangaroo (dead)
Camels
Great big dragon thingy
Parrots
Freshwater turtles
Duck-billed platypuses
Coral
Ray
Nemos
Cleaner wrasse cleaning the inside of a cod's mouth

Still haven't seen any damn dolphins.
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Aug. 15th, 2005 @ 06:19 pm Only in Australia
I've just met an Australian girl who's just met an Australian bloke. She reeled off the usual female list of whinges about him: doesn't talk, doesn't phone when he says he will, acts like an idiot around his mates, she's not sure she really fancies him, it isn't going anywhere, blah blah blah. She seemed so vociferous about how hopeless he was, though, that eventually I ventured to ask just what it was that she actually liked about him.

Apparently it's that he drives a very shiny new black... ute.

A ute.

Australian women are turned on by utes.


And she thought I was odd for not understanding the attraction. Is there something I'm missing? Am I a freak among females?
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Aug. 14th, 2005 @ 06:32 pm Ugh! Nature...
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Since you've been whinging that I go to all these amazing places and never write about anything except what I've lost there... here you go. My complete list of all the birds and beasties I have seen since I got here and am smug about.

It only counts if it's in the wild, obviously. And it only counts if it is exciting, so I have left out wild ponies, even though everyone else I was with seemed pretty thrilled by them, and also seagulls. I mean I've left out the seagulls. Not that anyone was thrilled by them. Oh, whatever...


Ibis
Fruit bats
Kookaburras
Whales
Kangaroo (dead)
Camels
Great big dragon thingy
Parrots
Freshwater turtles
Duck-billed platypuses
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Aug. 13th, 2005 @ 04:03 pm More news
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It's been raining, and I have imposed upon myself an inexorable rule that I laze around while the sun shines and travel while it rains. So I'm flying to Mackay at stupid o'clock tomorrow morning.

And then there's only *sniff* about a fortnight left in Oz.
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Aug. 5th, 2005 @ 08:59 pm (no subject)
I spent the night at Lennox Head, which is on Seven Mile Beach. The guy who brought me down from the airport said he thought that the reason it's called that is because it's a beach and it's seven miles long. Hmm, could be.

There are dolphins in the sea off Lennox Head. I didn't actually see any because it was too rough, but I am still feeling smug because I know that they were there.
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Aug. 5th, 2005 @ 11:48 am (no subject)
Then I flew to Ballina.

I booked the flight (which was about thirty quid) without quite realising it. My credit card number hadn't been working, so I was typing it with gay abandon and booking flights I didn't seriously intend to take when suddenly it started working again.

I looked Ballina up in the Lonely Planet when I got back to my room. Ballina is the type of place that only its mother could love. Oooh, goody.

It was the smallest aeroplane ever. I wondered why they hadn't asked me whether I wanted an aisle or a window seat - but when I got on the plane I saw that it was both at once.
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Aug. 3rd, 2005 @ 11:47 am (no subject)
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And today I flew back to Sydney from Ayer's Rock
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Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 12:21 pm (no subject)
Once a jolly swag-girl
Camped by the camp fire
Under the stars.
The end.


Damn, I still need to work on that scansion. I feel as though this one could be good if I could just get the details right...
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Jul. 31st, 2005 @ 11:46 am (no subject)
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Today I flew to Alice Springs
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Jul. 29th, 2005 @ 08:22 pm I've fallen in love...
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With apologies for the dreadful scansion and the injokes that you won't get:

When I met him I didn't much like him,
His company's terribly dull;
He's shorter than I really go for;
I don't like his beige plastic hull -

But as we were working together,
My attitude started to shift.
He's very efficient and helpful
(Not at all like that godawful lift.)

He's quiet but a very good listener
And an awfully sensitive guy.
When his posh, overqualified colleague arrived,
He actually started to cry.

That beige colour's not unattractive
And his method is awfully neat.
See the delicate way he caresses
Each separate, fortunate sheet?

Although I was loath to admit it
I couldn't get over my crush
And what we got up to in secret
Quite made the stationery blush.

At last I can hide it no longer.
So I'll tell you with no more ado:
I'm in love with the document scanner
And luckily he likes me too.

Our happiness may not last long, though:
A shadow falls over my heart.
I'm leaving forever on Sunday -
The scanner and I must soon part.

And how will I hear from him after?
For London is far far away;
Can scanners send emails to vicky
@dracos.co.uk?

I fear there is only one answer,
Despite the too-high baggage fee.
When I fly to Alice on Sunday,
The scanner is coming with me.
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Jul. 29th, 2005 @ 09:37 am What to do next
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This is my last day at work. Wheeee!

And on Sunday I'm flying to Alice Springs, and then I'm going out to look at some big rocks and that, and coming back to Sydney from Ayers' Rock on Wednesday.
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Jul. 28th, 2005 @ 10:51 am Acquisitions
It might, perhaps, appear from this list that as my possessions are being constantly depleted, I must be approaching a state of possessionlessness, or possibly towards possessing a negative number of things. Alas, I have discovered that the logic of this applies to money but not to things.

I arrived in Australia with three books. The Tempest, a PG Wodehouse and a Lonely Planet, if you must know. I did a quick count-up this morning and I now have twenty one.

I think I am a machine for turning other stuff into books.
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Jul. 3rd, 2005 @ 07:09 pm The Blue Mountains
I got off the train at about sunset and went straight out to the nearest viewing point. They're cliffy sorts of mountains: I was at the top of a limestone rock formation, looking out over a bowl-shaped valley filled with trees which stretched right out to the horizon. In the whole of the landscape you can't see a single sign of human habitation.*

The mountains are called blue because the oils given off by the Eucalyptus trees create a bluish haze over everything. As the sun went down, the sunset was inverted: the blue came up off the mountains and faded into the pink of the sunset, then back into the blue of the sky. It was surreal, but eerily beautiful. I'd bought a woolly hat against the cold, and I kept taking it off automatically when I looked out, as if I were entering a church. The people I passed on the path to the lower viewing point whispered rather than speaking their hellos.

By the time I got to the lower viewing point it was getting quite dark, and almost completely quiet. I could hear children laughing in the car park up above, and a few murmured conversations from the other tourists.

"Don't them trees look far off the ground, Dad?"
"It's those trees, Henry."
"Them trees. Look at them!"
"You can't say that, Henry, it's an incorrect use of the pronoun to couple it with the noun it refers to..."
"Daaaaad..."


Humbled by this man's brave struggle for grammatical exactitude in the midst of great beauty, I thought I'd better go and find myself a hostel and get in out of the cold.

*Unless you turn around, in which case you can see a gift shop selling stuffed koalas and boomerangs imported from China, as well as a cafe selling cups of tea at approximately 2 quid a shot.
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Jul. 3rd, 2005 @ 01:11 pm Whales
At around this time of year, the male humpback whale migrates along the east coast of Australia in order to mate with as many females as possible. (It has been observed that human males frequently exhibit similar behaviour, but they're not so seasonal about it.)

So I got on a big boat to go and have a look.

As we went out the man said he could see some whales already, but I couldn't. I kept looking but all I could see was the sea, and I started feeling a bit like when I was a little girl and my dad would make me stand still for ten minutes looking at something in a field which he said was a very exciting and rare bit of Nature such as a hare or a little grebe but which appeared from the distance to be an old tree stump.*

Then I started to wonder what the bright lights were that kept winking on and off. And then I realised that it was the glare of the sun on dorsal fins.

We followed about five of them for over an hour. They were having a bit of a knock-about, with lots of barging into each other, making a lot of noise, flapping about and showing off. (Yes, I know, the human male does this as well. You're there ahead of me...) They all stuck their heads out to have a good look at us but decided that we didn't look tasty.

The wind got up on the way back, and the waves were enormous. Each time we were lifted up, the flat front of the boat tilted down at an angle of about 45 degrees and SMACKED into the trough of the wave, leaving our stomachs behind. I thought it was brilliant, and wondered why everyone had gone inside. But apparently there were only four of us who didn't vomit copiously, so that was where they'd all gone.

*Not infrequently, when I went into the field and kicked it, it did indeed turn out to be a tree stump.
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Jul. 1st, 2005 @ 02:09 pm Nuff Aussie Disrespect.
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There is a problem with insects on the plants in the "please walk on the grass" Botanical Gardens. They wish to communicate this to the tourists. So what do the signs say?

Click for answer )


Love it.
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Jun. 29th, 2005 @ 09:00 am Jobs
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I've got a job as a paralegal for Freehills, which is the largest firm of solicitors in Australia. They originally said I could start tomorrow, but for reasons best known to themselves have now changed it to doing today and then not coming back until next Wednesday. It's a bit annoying, but I'm going to take the opportunity to spend a few days in the Blue Mountains this weekend.

I'm not completely sure how long I'll be working; partly depends how quickly I earn money. They seem quite keen on evening and weekend overtime, so I'm hoping that I can work hard for a few weeks and then skip out.
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Jun. 21st, 2005 @ 04:27 pm Hong Kong
For those of you that haven't been to Hong Kong since before 1997, I wouldn't imagine you'll find it much changed. At least, to be pedantic, the things that are changing are the same things that were changing before: more and more people flooding in; skyscrapers getting higher and higher; the island getting bigger and bigger as they reclaim more land. You still need a visa and a passport to get in or out from the rest of China, and it's still got its own currency and its own government. It also still feels quite recognisably British: English remains an official language and is used almost everywhere, and all sorts of funny things are familiar, from the few odd coins in circulation that still have the Queen's head on to the shapes on the road signs. The streets and buildings remain named after former governors or places in the UK. ("There is no Mao Tse Tung school in Hong Kong - not one!" said my tour guide, and waited for the gasp.) In lots of ways it's not really possible to separate out the two cultures: they really do regard the British traditions as part of their heritage too. When I bought an egg tart, I was told by the very enthusiastic vendor that it was a traditional local delicacy made of "local Hong Kong pastry, British egg custard" and (with obvious pride) that Chris Patten had eaten one every day.

I have to admit that I wasn't prepared for the degree to which western culture has embedded itself in Hong Kong. I'd expected them to be familiar with the concepts of the Happy Meal and the regular latte (and oh, how they are!) but, for instance, there were advertisements on the tube playing on western images like the Mona Lisa and that shot of Marilyn Monroe with her skirt all over the place. Maybe those are internationally familiar images these days, but I wouldn't have expected them to be the first icons that Hong Kong advertisers would turn to to sell soap with. There's also a markedly Western notion of beauty. Nearly all the models on billboards and in magazines seemed to have western-looking features (slim noses, wide eyes) and much paler skin than the average Chinese.

Still, since I've already had complaints that there are not enough quaint Chinese bits in this journal, nor enough cicadas, be it here recorded that the men of Hong Kong do sit around playing Mah Jong and SLAMMING the bits down on the table; that they do indeed build those enormous tower blocks with bamboo scaffolding; that the clans persist ("not like mafia", as I was repeatedly told, but nobody explained how) and their ancestral halls remain important to them; that feng shui experts are consulted every time anybody does anything, and that (this will surprise you no end) they all use chopsticks to eat with. Oh, and I did manage to find one man who had trouble speaking English, although even he knew numbers up to five and the word 'dollar'.

Everyone says that SARS and the financial crisis have had a much bigger impact than the handover had. I'm sure that's true in the short term. Because British were essentially benign dictators, there's no history of democracy, although we did scramble to try to get some democratic institutions in place before the handover. Some Hong Kongers don't seem to mind what amounts to a Beijing-appointed section of their legislature, and a lot of those that mind emigrated ten years ago. Some remain, of course - Tommy spluttered into inarticulacy when I asked him about it. Anyway, there are alarming rumblings. They're meant to be moving towards direct elections for the whole legislature, but Central Government have announced that this will not be happening any time soon. There are rumours that Beijing forced their last leader to resign before the end of his term - and despite the fact that there were regular demonstrations about the fact that he wasn't democratic enough, the democratic movement was worried by his resignation because they feared that the Chinese government would impose someone worse. And there's a bit of a pattern of Chinese warships happening to be in the area whenever Beijing does anything particularly outrageous. It will be interesting to see what happens.
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Jun. 20th, 2005 @ 12:05 am Top five things that Hong Kong has that we should have too
1. Oyster prepay that can also be used for vending machines, phones and shops. It's brilliant. See chocolate machine - press button - put wallet on pad - scoff chocolate. So simple. So obvious. So fattening.

2. The laser light show. They put loads of lights all over their skyscrapers, with laser lights out of the top, and make them all flash on and off in time to music every saturday night for the tourists. And why wouldn't you?

3. Double decker trams. Clearly.

4. One of the top five pedestrian walking speeds in world cities, "according to survey". Get out of my way, people...

5. Extensive use of the word glutinous on menus. Oh, and lots of things cooked in their own blood.
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