all_about_oz

A simple way to work out what you will think of the Grand Palace, Bangkok without actually visiting.

2005-08-30T05:50:30Z

Favourite colours -------black/brown/beige-------> It's a bit gold and shiny.
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Pretty and gold and shiny!
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Favourite tree shape -------Not bobbly----------> The trees are a bit bobbly
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Bobbly! Give me bobbles!
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The Grand Palace is my favourite thing ever!

Six impossible things before breakfast.

2005-08-18T21:48:00Z

In a change to the published schedule, what I was going to be doing yesterday got rudely cancelled at me by a very good-looking young man while I was in the shower. So I didn't do much yesterday, except, well, arranging the impossible.

For Lo! With just a little bit of wiggling the knife in the between 'No, not really' and 'Absolutely no way', I have conquered:
* "You can't do a certified diving course. They take five days. You've only got three.
* I don't think you can get to there in time to do even three days.
* I don't think you can get back from there in time to go sailing, either.
* And even if you do go there, the whole island has been fully booked for weeks because of the full moon party so you'll have nowhere to stay.
* And the course is fully booked as well.
* Oh, and by the way, if you're going to come back and go sailing after that, you haven't got time to get up to Cairns to catch your flight home.

So the upshot of all that is that I'm on my way to Magnetic Island, where I shall be doing a 3-day diving course, after which I'm going back down to the Whitsundays to go sailing. Obviously something is going to go wrong and I'll get stranded somewhere, but still. The achievement lies in making the impossible possible, not in actually making it happen. Right?

So having sorted all that out, I went jet-skiing. It was well fun. Do you think it would be practicable to commute from King's Cross to Temple on a jet-ski?

all_about_oz @ 2005-08-16T18:11:00

2005-08-16T08:21:58Z

Time to add to the list...

Ibis
Fruit bats
Kookaburras
Whales
Kangaroo (dead)
Camels
Great big dragon thingy
Parrots
Freshwater turtles
Duck-billed platypuses
Coral
Ray
Nemos
Cleaner wrasse cleaning the inside of a cod's mouth

Still haven't seen any damn dolphins.

Only in Australia

2005-08-15T08:37:19Z

I've just met an Australian girl who's just met an Australian bloke. She reeled off the usual female list of whinges about him: doesn't talk, doesn't phone when he says he will, acts like an idiot around his mates, she's not sure she really fancies him, it isn't going anywhere, blah blah blah. She seemed so vociferous about how hopeless he was, though, that eventually I ventured to ask just what it was that she actually liked about him.

Apparently it's that he drives a very shiny new black... ute.

A ute.

Australian women are turned on by utes.

And she thought I was odd for not understanding the attraction. Is there something I'm missing? Am I a freak among females?

More news

2005-08-13T06:07:08Z

It's been raining, and I have imposed upon myself an inexorable rule that I laze around while the sun shines and travel while it rains. So I'm flying to Mackay at stupid o'clock tomorrow morning.

And then there's only *sniff* about a fortnight left in Oz.

I've fallen in love...

2005-07-29T10:25:01Z

With apologies for the dreadful scansion and the injokes that you won't get:

When I met him I didn't much like him,
His company's terribly dull;
He's shorter than I really go for;
I don't like his beige plastic hull -

But as we were working together,
My attitude started to shift.
He's very efficient and helpful
(Not at all like that godawful lift.)

He's quiet but a very good listener
And an awfully sensitive guy.
When his posh, overqualified colleague arrived,
He actually started to cry.

That beige colour's not unattractive
And his method is awfully neat.
See the delicate way he caresses
Each separate, fortunate sheet?

Although I was loath to admit it
I couldn't get over my crush
And what we got up to in secret
Quite made the stationery blush.

At last I can hide it no longer.
So I'll tell you with no more ado:
I'm in love with the document scanner
And luckily he likes me too.

Our happiness may not last long, though:
A shadow falls over my heart.
I'm leaving forever on Sunday -
The scanner and I must soon part.

And how will I hear from him after?
For London is far far away;
Can scanners send emails to vicky
@dracos.co.uk?

I fear there is only one answer,
Despite the too-high baggage fee.
When I fly to Alice on Sunday,
The scanner is coming with me.

What to do next

2005-07-28T23:39:57Z

This is my last day at work. Wheeee!

And on Sunday I'm flying to Alice Springs, and then I'm going out to look at some big rocks and that, and coming back to Sydney from Ayers' Rock on Wednesday.

Acquisitions

2005-07-28T00:58:15Z

It might, perhaps, appear from this list that as my possessions are being constantly depleted, I must be approaching a state of possessionlessness, or possibly towards possessing a negative number of things. Alas, I have discovered that the logic of this applies to money but not to things.

I arrived in Australia with three books. The Tempest, a PG Wodehouse and a Lonely Planet, if you must know. I did a quick count-up this morning and I now have twenty one.

I think I am a machine for turning other stuff into books.

Nuff Aussie Disrespect.

2005-07-01T04:10:31Z

There is a problem with insects on the plants in the "please walk on the grass" Botanical Gardens. They wish to communicate this to the tourists. So what do the signs say?

OUR AZALEAS ARE BUG-GERED.

Love it.

Hotels

2005-06-17T00:15:17Z

My landlord, Tommy, is clearly insane.

On arrival at Hong Kong airport, I had received stern instructions - via several calls to my mobile and a deluge of emails - to call him immediately 'before visa before custom before immigration before baggage' on the courtesy phones. Having done so, I received whispered instructions on what to do next - which turned out to be finding a different courtesy phone nearer to him and ringing him again. I did try to find him without following the bizarre orienteering course, but he thwarted me by having an address which is not on the road mentioned in the address.

Anyway, once you find the place, it is admirable. Tommy is a delight - he bashfully showed me the entry in the lonely planet saying that he is 'multilingual': "no, no, only Cantonese, Taiwanese, Japanese, Mandarin, English and little bit French". The place is built for midgets - makes Old Buildings look quite palatial - but there is free internet access, a comfortable bed, and glory be, efficient plumbing. More than I can say for any of my other residences...

Oh, and a phone in my room. I have promised Tommy faithfully that it is "only for friend" - so if you want to know the number, and indeed if you don't, get an account so that I can add you.

I expect you were more interested in hearing about Hong Kong. Unfortunately, I'm rather more interested in seeing it than writing about it for now... will carry on later.

Less than 12 hours to departure...

2005-06-14T21:42:05Z

Oh crap. Better go and do some packing.